My view of the world has become very simple. It is an illusion…a mish mash of individual movies with a collective theme running through it; a projection of a split mind. The complexity we perceive and the endless dramas and conflicts exist nowhere else but on the level of mind. Because the mind is split between reality and fantasy, we project a picture of Duality. Only one view is true. The other sets itself up as an ‘opposite’. Thus, our dualistic movie is constantly at odds with itself. Like looking through binoculars when the focus is off…you see two sides to everything in constant competition with each other, and nothing is clear. It’s easy to think the ‘problem is out there’ because that’s how it appears from ‘in here’. But when I take total responsibility for the part I play in the ‘grand confusion’ as the maker of the picture instead of the observer my perceptions become opportunities to heal the source of conflict in myself. The peace I come to around a perception within myself is then picked up on the level of the collective mind, and becomes part of our slow turning back to Oneness and the end of time itself.
 
Today I was telling God that I am really sick and tired of waking up feeling the weight of oppression and uncertainty on my being…facing impossible problems day after day gets wearing. I was led to read something that helped me appreciate for the first time how this feeling is a gift to myself from myself…it goes like this. All I can ever experience is myself. Once in a while though, it appears overwhelmingly that something is being done TO me and not BY me. It’s just obvious! Not being able to deal with the problems myself, I gave the yucky feelings today to God. I just said, ‘Here, you take it…I’m done with it’. I was shown a little later in an amazing book I’ve recently discovered how I set up this feeling as a ‘beacon of discontent’ to goad me into surrendering my perceptions and feelings and recognize they come from me; more specifically, my own unconscious guilt. I read ‘The quiet discontent placed there by you in conjunction with God will not go away until you return home’ but ‘you cannot bear to look within and realize that your discontent is your own choice’. Ultimately, I blame God for all of this…and become my ego. When I remember the Holy Spirit’s purpose is to get me out of here, I remember ‘there must be within me that which leads me home’ and ‘this cloud of guilt which seems to hang over  existence here is really the whisper of Love’. I have set everything up because I am the invulnerable Son of God created to create, as are you. This is how much God loves me…I have perfect freedom to f*** up entirely, and decide for myself who I want to be. Yowza!
It seems we are given opportunities to gently allow the Light of Peace and understanding land in our minds whenever we feel out of sorts, or not in our Joy. I was reminded of a dream where my soul mate handed me a Golden Key, and I was able to unlock the back door to my old childhood home. But to my surprise, inside was this magnificent mansion looking like Louis the IV’s Palace at Versailles. Today, it felt like I found a room in there that was not yet discovered. I opened the door and found the windows shut, the air stale and dank with a layer of ancient dust obscuring everything. I was able to go the window and fling it open filling the room with light and fresh air at last. I have the feeling there may be more rooms like this hidden in the mansion of my mind. Places where I have been able to keep hidden from the light of day. Rooms I have built and forgotten. I think I’ll wander down the halls and see what I can find…

Dave Cowan